what's that in your ears?

I was at small military post in md last week - I was supposed to go to the commissary, but I was running low on time and of course it was lunchtime for my preschooler. I always feel like an outsider when I go on post, like because my husband is National Guard and not regular Army, I shouldn't be there, and even worse, because i'm not the most GUNG HO military wife, I have the neon scarlet letter on my chest (L) - It's almost as though I'm creeping in, so no one will see me- Like because I don't support the war, but still taking advantage of what few benefits the military offers, like I'm some sort of Benedict Arnold -
Anyway, as I walk into the PX/Burger King, feeling guilty enough that I'm feeding my son fast food, I take out my earrings - I have one in that is the earth and another that is a peace sign. What hangs from my earlobes can be interpreted as either World Peace or Peace on Earth.
My son asked me why I was doing that - he's used to seeing Mommy's World Peace earrings in, and wondered why I would take them out.
As I payed for his Happy Meal (or whatever Burger King calls their kid meals) pushing the apple sauce instead of fries, and chocolate milk instead of pop, I clutched my earrings tightly in my hand and wondered why I didn't want to offend anyone in the Burger King. I wear those earrings all the time, taking them out only when I shower, or lately when I attend Military events. They are a quiet, steady statement of how I feel. They are not loud, they do not scream my views, they sort've whisper it.
I am not ashamed of my views and as I was walking out, I put my earrings back in. I told my son I liked him for who he was and that I was proud of him. Even though I know he had no clue what I was getting at, he looked at me, very closely and said "I like your earrings mommy."
I do too.

Why is Liberal such a Dirty Word in the Military

I started this blog as an outlet, a forum, to document my life during a time of unsolicited hell. When I googled 'liberal military wives' all I got back was negative citations. Since when is the word 'liberal' a four letter word? Since when is it unpatriotic or unAmerican not to want to go to war, not to want my husband to die, or to come back some sort of shell of his former self?Since when is it wrong not to want people to die senselessly?
How many people really have the right to challenge Cindy Sheehan? Have they lost sons? Then where on earth do they get off judging someone's grief process? Where do they get the right to vilify a grieving mother? It makes me outraged - Yes, I know my husband volunteered to be a Weekend Warrior, not a full time walking talking mouthpiece for a misguided power monger who seems to thing he can take over the world. One logs for the easy days, when I was but a little person, watch Nixon on TV -

Welcome to the Invisible Sorority

Very soon my husband will deploy overseas. Because he is not 'active duty' military, we are not part of a 'community'. My kids don't go to school with other kids of deployed servicemen, my neighbors don't have husbands leaving soon, I feel like I am walking around - invisable. My friends go to bed at night thanking God that their spouses were not as misguided as mine as to be a 'weekend warrior'. They thank God their kids aren't asking "What are we going to do if Daddy dies"? They sit back and thank God they are not me. I would probably do the same thing if I were in their shoes. But I am not, and won't be for far too long. Instead I will be in sort've a Limbo, not a Military Spouse exactly, because I'm too much of a Liberal to allow that label, yet not a 'civilian' either because now my life will be governed by email and phone calls at odd hours and strange anacronyms that I don't understand. And fear. Let's not forget the fear. Fear that he won't make it home, fear that he will make it home and not be the way he was before he left, fear that I'll screw it all up while he's gone, fear that I won't need him anymore after the sentence is over. Fear that our marriage will become a casualty of a war that has taken SO MUCH from so many already. I just want to scream at Bush, attend rallies opposing the war, become an activist, a strong voice. But then again, I have been drafted into that Invisible Sorority. I am not a Proud Military Wife, I am a Reluctant one. I love him, not what he does in the military, not his sense of duty or patriotism, but him; the quiet man who does the smug dance when our kids behave better than his siblings' kids, the man who drinks expensive beer but tries to fit in with the 'Bud" crowd, the man who can say so much by not saying anything.
If one more person thanks me for my husband's service to the country, I will literally kick them in shins. unlike other Americans, I have been drafted.