There is no other way to say it, pre-deployment is hell. I don't begrudge anyone who wants to say goodbye to my husband, in fact, I embrace it, but Good Lord it's hard watching people that love him look so frightened. His 'big' Goodbye Party hasn't even happened yet - can't wait for that!
I go to bed at night wait for him to start snoring and just cry because I am so scared over what's to come, being without him for God knows how long, the whole dying thing, and let's not forget the vegetable factor! If I cry now, and he's not gone yet, what the hell am I going to be like when he's actually gone?
Today more soldiers died. How many wives got a knock at the door? How many mothers? How many dads? How many kids are without parents today? How can I stop this plauge brought upon us by everyone's favorite Texan?
I can't quit this job, okay I can divorce my husband, but he'll still go anyway - and I love him , I don't love the military or the Weekend Warrior crap but I do love him- this is like a nightmare that won't end and it hasn't begun yet -
Is this Military Spouse Hazing? If I survive pre- depoyment, does that mean I get to become a Real Military Spouse? Am I like the Velveteen Rabbit, who gets burned to death by the Nanny and then comes back a Real Bunny?
I'm sorry - I've tried to put a positive spin on this whole thing, but I can't figure this one out - Someone sent me The Secret dvd. So apparently all I have to do is think happy thoughts and it'll all be all right? Hmmm
Does the army give you Ruby slipper when you deploy so you can click your heels three times and murmur "There's No Place like Home" then SHAZAM!!!!! No more Lone Star Idiot with his over botoxed Stepford wife (really, does her face ever move?) No more occupation of a country that never wanted us anyway and no more being gone from the people that love you instead of the the Red White and Blue Cult that claims to -
hmmmmm-
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3 comments:
I wish there was something I could say to help you get through this. But I can't. No, it's not hazing, it's just what we have to go through as military wives. Sometimes, the predeployment is the worst part, all the "what ifs", the sleepless nights, and the first couple of days/weeks they are there. then you go back to life again. Even if you aren't like us, liberals against the war, every single one of us has those nights. Even the "oh I support the Preznit and his war" wives are going through the same thing.
Do you have anyone there to talk to? If not a friend, or preferably someone who has been through this, find a military counselor (no, not someone in uniform) go through Military OneSource. They can help you find someone who has knowledge of military life.
LAW
LMS - I hesitate to say this, but this is military spouse appreciation day. and it's a day for you and I, just as it is for the "good" military wives (personally, I think we are Good military wives, we just don't fall into that mold)
so happy MSAp day. remember that you are a member of a pretty exclusive group, and you deserve all the appreciation you can get.
LAW
I'm so sorry. It's a really rough time. In some ways, it's harder than them actually leaving.
One of the things that helped me was a book called "While They're At War". I cried like a baby, but it's some commiseration, and realization that what you're going through is normal (or, at least, a normal reaction to an abnormal situation) - the fighting, the sleeplessness, the fantasies of jumping in front of a car to see if it would get him out of the deployment... I can't recommend it enough. It's not at all pro-military - just helpful.
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