My birthday is coming up soon- last year, mr. wonderful surprized me with a trip to a spa. I am not a spa person. I loved it. He plotted and planned and did an amazing job taking care of everything. I didn't know he had it in him. He even took care of the whole kid thing.
This year I'll be in a crummy motel that the military is paying for, trying not to vomit as I prepare to say good luck to my husband and pray to God that he comes home in one piece and not a vegetable.
That's REALLY a sorority I DO NOT want to join.
How the mighty have fallen.
If I knew last year that this year was going to suck so much, would I have done things differently? I'm glad I didn't know -
I have been watching and helping mr. wonderful pack. it is not fun. My youngest doesn't get it - he thinks Daddy is going on a camping trip - hmmmm - My eldest is in denial -keeping very quiet but not missing a beat -
The good luck party wan't bad- I held it together through that - but watching him pack is brutal - just when you think it can't get worse, you remember that he hasn't left yet-
I think of all the things I'm going to so when he leaves -lose more weight - watch tv shows that I like,as opposed to what 'we ' like, read more, cook less - kids love Kraft macaroni and cheese - add a little broccoli and there you go- none of this is working though-
perhaps the puppy that we got to ease the deployment will learn to like the kids and I, instead of just mr. wonderful
One of the evil sisters-in law who couldn't bother herself to come and wish her brother in law good luck this weekend told me to keep my kids away from other military kids - she told me that my kids didn't need to be reminded that their Dad was overseas, trying not to get killed.
I'm glad I won't be dealing with her much longer -
God this sucks-
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6 comments:
tell the evil SiL - no, I won't say it...
this IS the worst part, watching him pack and doing the what if bit, and right after he leaves, it sucks. Then you will probably get some equilibrium back, start living a semi normal life again. But you also need to realize you aren't alone out there, ok? There are others like you, and me, and the other liberals who are married to military members. so try to find a couple to hang out with.
Stay in touch, after he leaves.
LAW
I am so sorry - I know this must be hard and I know it is much, much harder for you than it is for me. My husband is deployed, but not to Iraq or Afghanistan – he is on a carrier in the gulf but I know it is nothing like the same. The separation is hard enough without worrying for his safety. Please know that I really sympathize and that there is a community of liberal, sometimes conflicted but always strong, supportive spouses out there who know (in my case only somewhat, admittedly) what you are going through.
This is my husband’s first deployment since we have been married and I can tell you that it is hell at first, but even though you can’t believe it, it does settle into a dull ache after a while. You will get back to something like normal. If you can get through the first 10 days or so, I’ll bet you’ll find that you feel better. Not great – but better.
I really feel for you and I check on your blog every week or so to see how you are doing. I think Liberal Army Wife is doing the same (and she knows much more than I about deployments, I gather). She’s right about the watching him pack and getting ready to leave thing…it’s harder, almost, than having him gone. At least once he’s gone you’re getting through it rather than dreading it.
We are behind you! Take care – and keep busy – that will keep you sane. Peace.
kim. gone is gone, on a carrier, on a base, on a FOB or whatever. So don't make a differentiation like that - we are all in the (oh, I don't believe I'm going to say this) same boat... yeah yeah... I know, BAAAAAD pun. but ya laugh at what ya can.
LAW
Ok, so this is corny, but it was helpful for me. It's an analogy that one of our chaplains here uses.
Life is a canoe, and until recently, the two of you were in it, both paddling, in the same direction. (Plus kids, but in my experience, they're more like dead weight, and certainly don't have a paddle.) Then, you got the news, and it was like he suddenly stood up in the canoe. If you've ever canoed, you know that when someone stands, it takes everything you've got to keep from tipping over.
In a couple of days, he's going to jump out and swim for shore. [According to the chaplain, and my husband agreed, relieved not to be in the canoe anymore, and guilty for feeling that way.] And there's almost no way that a canoe that someone jumps from can stay upright, no matter how capable the other paddler (and no matter what your SILs say). So you're stuck with an upended canoe, and yourself and two kids in the water. You've got to right the canoe, and get everybody in. And hopefully you'll have help, because it's an almost impossible task alone. Then you bail it out, and you have to paddle alone.
So it's corny, I know, but in the days after my husband left, I just kept saying "nobody could keep their canoe afloat, nobody could keep their canoe afloat..." Also, it's really accurate in that the worst is that first part: the standing, the jumping, and the climbing back in. The rest of it sucks, it really does, but it's not as bad as the beginning.
Good luck. You'll make it.
You guys are so amazing! I am very grateful to you, as this is truly utter hell and he hasn't quite left yet - I do agree with LAW that gone is gone and if they're in harms way, well, that's the sort've like the Ketchup on the burger - it's an added fun part, but it's still a burger, and they're still gone and gone sucks -LMS
I just got introduced to you by LAW (another blogger). This has been so helpful. I am a very recent army spouse and my partner just deployed three days ago. I am new to the Army community and don't live near where his unit is based in so I don't have much contact with other army spouses. But I also feel like I have very little in common with them. Your blog is a blessing. I need this. Because right now 15 months seems like forever.
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